Tanya’s world came crashing down around her, when she found out how the
person she had loved so much was cheating on her. Yash , her
boyfriend, was her college friend. Soon they fell in love but after four years
of the relationship , she realized that he was just fooling her like many other
girls. She tried hard to overcome the melancholy but she failed. She could
not control herself and finally decided to commit suicide by cutting her veins.
Her roommate found her and soon called an ambulance. When she was taken to the
operation theatre, she was continuously screaming to let her die before she
fell unconscious. After her life was saved, she was shifted to a new
ward. When she gained her consciousness, her eyes caught the sight of same
doctor who saved her. She was glaring at him.
“Hi I am Ayan, your
doctor .” He said with a smile on his beautiful face. He was in his thirties
and looked smart .
Tanya turned to the
other side to avoid his gaze.
“How are you feeling
now?” He continued. There was no reply.
“I know what you
are going through but I don’t think you should have committed suicide for
that. And your parents will be here by tomorrow morning. They were shocked when
I broke the news to them. I felt the pain in their voices. You have hurt them
that you should not have. ”
“Stop it, I don’t want
to hear anything. You don’t even have a slight idea how much I am going
through. How one feels when their loved and trusted ones betray them. ” Tanya
screamed.
There was a dead
silence. “I know how it feels when somebody, we love so much ,is not part of
our life ”. Tanya felt the gloom in his voice like he too had went through the
same hell. Tanya tried to calm herself down. Tanya felt sorry for him and this
time turned to face him instead of the wall.
He was still smiling.
“I am sorry but I don’t
want people to tell me what’s right and what’s wrong. I know everything but
emotions overmaster every sense.”
“Yes I know . Don’t
worry , soon you will get out of this bad phase. And that guy is not even worth
of your single tear drop. Get well soon”. Ayan smiled and left the room,
leaving some impact on her.
Ayan visited her again
,checked her progress and gave her a book that covered instances of
people’s life who fought every odd to save their lives.
“Life is precious, remember that.” He said as he was leaving the room.
Slowly, Tanya was coming
out of her depression .Aryan would visit her twice a day and talk to her
as a counsellor. After a week , she was in much stable condition to get
discharged from the hospital. When she was about to step out of her room , she
was stupefied to see Yash at the door.
“Hi, How are you? I am
sorry . I never knew you were so serious about our relationship.”
Tanya was burning with
anger but remained silent .
“Well if you want we can
get back together.”He said with a big smile on his face.
“Disgusting . I don’t
want your favor. Just get lost. Everything is over , I don’t need you.
Just go away. You mean and selfish fool.” She scowled at him .
He left her without
saying anything.
She ran out to the
garden and sat on a bench .She tried hard to stop herself from feeling
worse .She started crying , her anger was flowing out with her tears. Then,
Ayan came and sat next to her but didn’t utter a single word. After few minutes
,she got back her composure.
“Why are you crying? I
overheard the conversation between you two but I don’t understand the reason
behind your tears.”
“I don’t know,
what I did a few minutes ago was right or not. I am so confused. Now when
I know his real self , I feel like a fool. How could I fall in love with such a
fellow? But then I still have some feelings for him. Whether it was love
or attraction. I have no idea. For me it was love but now I know I was wrong.
He had never loved me .I was a fool to commit suicide for that idiot. What is
love!.”
She was looking at him,
who was patiently listening to every word of her. Then after taking some time
he said. “ I too don’t know how people define love. But somebody had once said
these lines to me .I was like you but that person changed me completely. Love is love. Love is how you feel
for that person . Love is around you, inside your heart and inside your
mind. Love is all about caring for others, making them happy and feeling their
happiness and sorrow . Love is about cherishing the memories rather than crying
for missing the person. Love is trying to live the dream of the other
one. Love is not just about the physical attraction but the beauty that dwells
in that person’s heart . Love is not about saying ‘I love You’ 24 times a day
but to feel the love when it is not expressed. Love is just love.”
She was mesmerized. She had never in her life heard this kind of definition of
love. She thought that for a second she had seen tears in his eyes. But
there were none. He was calm and his vision fixed at the setting sun. She
looked at him with adoration. She thanked him in her thoughts for giving
her life a new meaning, a new perspective.
For a few months
she would visit him twice a week. She would ask him to take walk with her
in garden, whenever he was free. She would ask for his advice. She would share
her heart with him. While he would listen to her quietly , giving smiles and
nods in right places. And also his advices that were valuable for her. She felt
that his smile had some pain hidden in it. But she couldn’t dare to ask
him. She had developed a liking for him. She was sure that he was the best
person in the world for a girl to spend her life with. And soon without even
realizing Tanya fell in love with him. But this time her love was not
conditional. She was happy that she could atleast spend a few hours with him
but still some part of her heart wanted to reveal the truth to Ayan.
“Ayan” Shouted Tanya .
She was waiting for him
in the garden when her eyes fell on him.
“Hi Tanya .How are you?”
“Fine” Tanya replied
with a smile. She was nervous but she had to tell him.
"Well Ayan..... I
wanted to ask you...." She hesitated to ask him the
question that was needed before she tells hi m about her feelings.
“What !”Ayan was looking
at her waiting for her to respond.
“Tanya, Come on .Don’t
hesitate.”
“Ayan, hmm.. We are now
good friends and I had shared my entire life's story with you but you have
never told me anything. I know there is something that you are hiding, not only
from me but from everyone. What is it ? I can feel that there is someone very
special who was or maybe is still there in your life. Who is that person?”
There was silence for a
few minutes. Tanya looked at him, his mouth was slight open and it looked as if
there was a fight going on inside him.
Ayan sighed and sat on
the bench. He looked at the ground below him.
Tanya sat next to him
and put her hand on his shoulder.
“Tanya, I was just like
you. I had never really known what life and love were. She told me the meaning
of both and some I had learnt from her. The definition of love, that I had once
told you, was her words . When I came here as a doctor , the first person I saw
was her. She was beautiful and laughed like an angel. Her hair was flowing in
the breeze. I cannot say whether it was love at first sight but she attracted
me towards her. I had always treated my patients as patients nothing else. But
she was different .She would create a relationship with everyone. Her patients
for her were a friend , uncle, aunt or little sister or brother. She had a
different way of enjoying life. Her happiness increases with her patient’s
smiles.
She loved everyone and
got love and respect from everyone in return.She has got a heart of gold. The more I got to
know her, the more I fell in love with her. She was my angel. Her smile would
bring smile on my face as well. Everything was perfect till that day when our
lives changed forever. There was a little girl, who had a terminal disease. She
would not survive that was clear to every doctor of this hospital except Jiya.
A new technology had appeared at that time for such kind of disease. She was
sure that this new invention would save her .Her attachment with the girl grew
with time. And after a month that unfortunate moment arrived . sShe was
confident but I knew the girl would not survive. Only a miracle could save her
but still I prayed for her to survive because her death would break Jiya
completely. Jiya was strong as a doctor but with that girl, she had a
mother-child relationship. As Jiya came out of the operation theatre, her face
was white, her eyes wide open. My heartbeat stopped. I could read her face .The
girl died and with her a part of Jiya. She cried for a long time. I knew that
she would take some time to come out of it but had never imagined that
things would go out of hand. She would not talk to anyone neither would take
any operation. And then, after a week, she committed suicide. She considered
her as a murderer but that was not true. It was not her fault and every doctor
knew it except herself. I was her doctor. I looked at her, lying on the
stretcher, blood flowing out of her body. My heart beat was abnormal at that
time. She was shrieking. Looking at me with her eyes and pleading not to
save her. My heart too was bleeding . But one thing I was sure of was
that I have to save her. The operation was successful. I was happy but soon my
happiness turned into my worst nightmare. Jiya was slowly losing her self
control. She would cry at night or would bang her fist on the wall or keep
repeating to herself that she killed the girl. This continued for a week
before...' His voice choked. Tanya noticed a tear slipped out of his eyes
and fell on his shoe. He was crying. Tanya too felt her heart heavy. She could
not believe that the person who always looked satisfied with his life had a terrible
pain buried in his heart, a pain that was more terrible than her own .
Ayan took a deep breath
and continued “ ...before she was sent to an asylum". Tanya's mouth fell
open.She breathed. "asylum."
"I was
selfish that I had saved her life but I was a doctor too and it was my duty to
save lives. Her suffering was so much that I could not see her like that.
Sometimes she would even get suicidal. I thought of leaving my job forever and
stay with her but that was not possible.I knew somewhere in my heart that she
would not have liked it. But how could I have left her alone. After
trying everything, the only way left was the asylum ,where she would be safe
and even recover soon. I cannot tell how I felt when I had to take that
decision. I had to part with her and also with my soul . I visit her every day
whenever I find free time. But facing her kills me. Sometimes I regret saving
her life at least she would not have to suffer like this. "
Tanya’s eyes welled up.
She felt like crying but controlled herself. She stood and walked a few steps
ahead such that he could not see her face . She was sure that he would never
allow a woman in his life again. Tanya felt his pain and his true love for Jiya
. Her feelings were nothing compared to his." But she still had some hope.
"Ayan .We cannot
change the past but can work for a better future. Jiya is such a good soul. I
wish I could do something for her.But before that why dont you take me
there.And Jiya is your girlfriend?"
Ayan smiled.
"No more than
that: my life. She was my wife.""
Tanya was shocked even
though she had prepared herself for the worst but her tears came rolling down
her cheeks. She quickly wiped them off and turned to face Ayan.
"Come Ayan. Let’s
go and meet Jiya."
Tanya was awestruck.
Jiya was more beautiful than Ayan had described her. Suddenly she felt worse.
Jiya who was blessed with everything was now going through this hell. She got
sympathy towards her.
"Jiya
.."called Ayan
Jiya ran towards us ,
extented her hands through the bars and then smiled at Ayan. Her eyes told that
they recognise Ayan very well. Suddenly Jiya turned back before giving a look
at Tanya. She was murmuring to herself. Tanya was sure that she had seen love
and longing in her eyes. She looked at Ayan whose eyes were fixed on Jiya. She
saw similar emotions in his eyes .Tanya felt a little jealous of Jiya. She ran
out of the asylum and cried.
"Tanya, I am sorry
. I know this is disturbing thats why I never told you."
Ayan was standing next
to her. "Ayan I have to go. I am sorry"
Before Ayan could even
open his mouth she was gone.
“Hi Tanya what a
suprise. I thought you would never come. "
Ayan was smiling bigger
than she had ever seen him.
" I am sorry
Ayan but I had never known it would take me a month to accept this truth"
Ayan was confused .
"Ayan .... I fell
in love with you. Even though I had prepared myself for everything still I
could not take it in the right way. I know your love for your wife is so
pure and deep. I stand no chance. But now I am ready to stay with you as
friends forever. The way you helped me come out my grief I had felt that you
liked me."
"Tanya when you
came you reminded me of Jiya. Both of you were asking for death instead of
life. I saw her in you. I didn’st want another girl to face a suffering smilar
to her's. Thats why I had spent those hours with you to help you. But to be honest
Tanya now I too have a liking for you . I love you but not the way I love
Jiya.She is my life ,my angel"
"And you are my
angel." Tanya smiled.
" Tanya now you are
a strong girl and confident about life , I am sure you too will get a better
person in your life."
Ayan smiled and held her
hand.
“ I
know…." she said with a sad smile.
"…. Ayan my
feelings for you are unconditional just like you have for Jiya. She cannot feel
your feelings, your presence properly but still you love her so much.What I
want to do in my life is to make you smile."
" Thanks Tanya."
Tanya cried on his
shoulder for she knew her love was pure but not complete without him. But she
was happy to have him in her life even as a good friend.
After a
year………………………………………….
" Thanks
Tanya.You have done so much for Jiya. Now, she recoginses me and eagerly waits
for us to see her."
Tanya smiled and winked
at him.
"Ayan ...Now
this is aim of my life. Not just Jiya but to help every girl going through a
bad phase."
"You will
succeed . Because what you are doing deserves all good in your life.
" Ayan embraced her.
" Go Jiya is
calling you. "
" Come with me
."Ayan said holding out his hand for her.
" Ayan go .
Just let me finish this" She pointed towards her diary lying
on her lap.
She had established an
NGO for girls who suffer so much in their lives. She looked at Jiya and Ayan .
They were smiling. Even though Jiya was still not the one Ayan fell in love
with her but his love for her was same . A tear drop fell on her diary . She
had mixed emotions of happiness and sorrow. But still she was very happy and
satisfied with her life and herself.
" Tanya ….”
shouted Jiya with her melodious voice.
Tanya closed her diary
and ran towards her new life.
